Two (Checking Accounts) Become One

After 5 or 6 Pre-Marriage Mentoring sessions, we tackle the dreaded finances discussion. Most of our couples don’t THINK that the finances discussion will be a difficult one, but after just a little bit of scratching below the surface, this topic can illuminate areas for growth in a way that no other topic can.

Here is how we like to structure this convesation:

Budgeting CHECK

Life insurance CHECK

Savings plan CHECK

Credit check CHECK

Wants vs needs discussion CHECK

Merge checking accounts Che-what??

Merge checking accounts? Why on earth would we do that? I know the Bible talks about two becoming one and all but that seems a bit extreme!

If you are getting married - or if you (like us) are passionate about helping couples succeed in their marriage, I invite you to consider our list of reasons for merging checking accounts:

1. Long Term Financial Goals

Some of the most fun conversations I have had with my husband have been about our long term dreams and goals. We love to dream about our future together - where we will travel, how we will spoil our grandchildren… the lifestyle that we will enjoy TOGETHER as our children become more independent.

Sharing a checking account helps us to make short term spending choices that are in line with BOTH of our long term financial goals. Our joint checking account allows us to become devoted team mates with our eyes on the prize. Not wanting to let the other down, we (mostly) make spending choices with our long term goals in mind. When I have a teammate, my spending choices become a little more...focused...as I consider all that my husband and I are hoping to accomplish someday with our finances.

2. Accountability and Transparency

As a single person in the 90s, I loved the mall. After each paycheck, I would casually stop in to buy myself a little something to reward myself for sticking with my tedious part time job. This was an activity that I enjoyed ALL BY MYSELF - no one to judge my impulses.

These days, every purchase is made with my husband whether he is there or not. Will there be days when these satisfying and nonsensical little purchases occur? Of course. But we already have pre- agreed on the amount that we will be spending on these little self dates.

3. Someday you will probably have children…

Do you want to spend your valuable parenting energy deciding on who is going to cover the cost of diapers and formula? What if one of you decides to stop working to watch the child? Having a child AND adjusting to sharing a checking account is a lot of transition. Working together, being fully aware of your spouse’s financial situation and spending habits, communicating about wants vs.needs is a lifestyle change best begun before baby.

4. Your refusal to share checking accounts may not really be about money

There may be a legitimate reason that you and your fiance keep separate checking accounts. May you have children from a previous relationship, or previous tax issues make it important to maintain separate finances. Maybe you are in the process of rebuilding trust. And this understandable.

But for MOST of us, if we are honest with ourselves - maintaining separate checking accounts is not simply about money.

It may be about trust: is there a reason that you do not trust your significant other to make good choices with your finances?

It may be about communication: is it just too difficult to talk about to talk to your fiance about this topic? Do you fear the outcome of the discussion?

It may be a childhood experience that has not quite resolved. What was your experience and memories regarding money during your childhood?

We hope that you are able to use this post to shape a healthy conversation with your fiance, spouse or counselor about this important topic - feel free to let us know how it goes below:

1. How was money, spending and budgeting viewed in your childhood home? How does that compare or contrast to your partner’s childhood experiences?

2. If someone else were watching and documenting your financial behavior - what would they learn about you? What kind of person would they assume that you are?