Proverbs 18:13 Living

To answer before listening - that is folly and shame.

Proverbs 18:13

For some reason, this is not a verse that I hear quoted often. It is not a verse that is often written out in fancy lettering and placed on a trendy canvas wall hanging sold at Hobby Lobby - but maybe it should be? There is so much that both Christian Counselors , Pastors and especially married couples can learn about healthy relationships from these nine words.

.

Taking time to not only hear your partner’s words but to actually understand those words is a skill. Want to master this key communication skill? Here are three practical steps:

1. Let your partner know that you are listening by using your WHOLE body. Make eye contact. Face him. Sit down. Lean towards her. Put down your phone.

2. Ask clarifying questions about what she is saying. Is there something that triggers a bit of concern within you, or makes you a little angry? That’s okay. Here is my recommendation: take a deep breath and decide what questions would help you clarify your concerns. Your aim is to UNDERSTAND.

3. Double check what you have heard by using your own words. In the counseling world, it's called restating the question. After you have used your own words to restate what you have heard, ask your spouse if what you said reflects what it is that he or she actually meant to say. This sounds like a silly excercise, but this silly exercise is one of the most transformational communication skills you will ever learn.

Whether you are in premarital counseling, in couples therapy - or just need a quick reminder, we hope that you and your significant other will take the time to use the questions below to reflect and improve your listening skills.

1. Is there a topic of conversation in which one person’s words are often misunderstood? What is that topic?

2. What grade would you give your listening skills? A+? If you did not give yourself an A+, what skills would you need to improve to earn an A+?

2. After grading yourlistening skills and behavior, consider one or two things that your spouse can do to help you maintain and practice superior listening skills.

3. Is there a topic about which you have difficulty communicating? Is it a listening issues or is this there something else going on?